J'lm Marathon Training #11

Sunday, 7 February 2010

I'm back!

Since my injury on 23 December 2009, I have been training extremely lightly. 3km here, 5km there. Low-pressure jogging to keep the body going, but nothing strenuous. In fact, that was all I could manage for a while. I would run a few kilometers and then my knee would start hurting, so I'd stop.

I saw an orthopedist who said my injury is a common one. Just a strain that will sort itself out in time. I don't have time! The marathon is on 18 March and I have to get into shape. But ill patience is what got me injured to begin with, so I forced myself to take it easy.

Today I did my first 10km since 23 December. I ran strongly for the first 6km. Heading up the hill where I originally hurt my knee, I started to feel a twang. It got steadily worse. I decided to ride out the pain for just a little bit. Perhaps it will settle down.

About 700m into the 1,200m climb, the knee started to steady. The pain was still there but didn't get any worse. I was jogging slowly, my time would suffer, but at least I'd finish. At the top of the hill the pain in my knee had almost disappeared. There was only a hint of pain, nothing I couldn't handle. I thought I'd go on - steady as she goes - slowly up Nachal Refaim.

I tried jogging unevenly, trying to sway the pain away from my left knee. I don't think it worked, but I gained another kilometer trying. I was going slowly, but the pain was not getting any worse at all.

In fact, by the time I got to Dolev, with only another 2km to go, I was taking full strides. There was no pain, although I could still sense that there was something lurking, waiting for me to push myself too hard.

With only 500m to go, and with a downhill to help, I picked up the pace. I wasn't going to beat my record time of 56:05, but I was well on my way to finishing the 10km, which was my goal for this run.

Sprinting to the finish line, I felt a rush of exhilaration course through my body. I lunged over the 10km mark at 63:00. Not bad for my first 10km run in about 1.5 months - with an injury and all. Oh, and I didn't have a stitch of any kind during the entire run.

Now, it's careful planning time - training hard without overdoing it, but pushing myself enough to make improvements. My original plan was to beat 45 minutes. With the time I took off from my training to nurse my injured knee, I doubt I'll achieve that now. But I'm back, and I will run in the race, and glory is within my grasp!

J'lm Marathon Training #10

Thursday, 23 December 2009

Injury.

I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. Here's the story:

Delay after delay, I was unable to leave the house until 10pm, an hour after my scheduled start. This could not possibly be good. But despite that, I began well, getting into the rhythm, finding a good breathing pattern, and running at a good pace.

After exactly 11 minutes I reached the daunting incline of HaYarden Street. I sucked it in and pushed my way upwards. Reaching the top, I was surprised to realize that I was in very good shape - no stitch, no ache, plenty of energy. I decided that for the rest of the course I would go for it - If I tried, I was in a good position to smash my time and reach my medium-term goal of "10km in 55 minutes" sooner than expected.

Reaching just over the half-way mark, the clock rolled its digits to 29 minutes. I was going to have to put the pedal to the metal on this one. But I felt good. I was going to make it.

My body knew that the 1.22km HaYarkon Street was coming up and fought to reserve its strength, but I strode out and gained speed. A stitch began to creep up the side of my torso and I altered my breathing - short inhales and forceful exhales.

35 minutes into the run the stitch shrunk to near insignificance and I looked up. Before me lay a long upward challenge. I felt great and decided that since I had come this far, I may as well take it to the limit. 55 minutes was a real possibility.

Halfway up HaYarkon I began to slow down. My body said no but the stopwatch said yes. I fought harder. I stretched out longer. The muscles strained. And it was good.

Reaching the top of the 1.22km road I looked down at the watch. I had done HaYarkon in under five minutes. A brilliant effort after already running about 6km. And then, disaster.

My left knee sang out - like a broken-voiced teenager scraping his fingernails on a blackboard. Assessment: the coming 2.5+ km were mostly flat, with two short uphills. I could ride out the pain. In fact, on the flat parts, I hardly felt a thing, but up Refaim, the knee ached so much I began to limp. If only the pain would wait until after the 10km, I could break the 55, I knew I could. Alas, the Refaim hill caused pain that was too powerful and I slowed to a painful, agonizing, gimpish pace.

As soon as I hit a flat piece of road, I was on my way again, telling myself that I could still beat 55. Yet, even the slightest uphill was torturous. I was done for.

I thought back to one of my first blogs after I started training, where I wrote: Discipline also means knowing when to stop. Maybe I should heed my own advice? Balderdash! I'm less than 2km from the finish line and I refuse to give in! I shall not give up!

Dolev came none too soon. It's ever-so-slight downhill was refreshing and I picked up some pace, especially towards the end as the increasing severity of the downhill encouraged me to a more respectable speed. The knee refused. It argued. Loudly. But the watch said 52 minutes, better than my previous time. I had to finish strong.

Ignoring the searing pain, my left leg reluctantly followed my right at a more vigorous gait. Turning into Sorek, the slight uphill jabbed needles into my knee. I protected myself with a protracted wince, as if baring my teeth to the oncoming wind could extinguish the burning fire in my leg.

The finish line appeared surprisingly soon and as I watched its rapid approach with the detachment of a disinterested bureaucrat, my body lunged itself forward, breaking the imaginary tape at 56:05 - besting my previous time of 56:43.

I hobbled the 300m home, smiling inwardly at my manly disregard for pain, while outwardly cursing myself for my stupidity.

No more running until, at least, next Monday.

Jl'm Marathon Training #9

This post includes 3 entries - the latest appears last.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

During the course of the day I neglected to psych myself up for running, like I usually do. In fact, I almost forgot that I was to go for a jog in the evening. I didn't prepare by drinking water during the day, although I did keep to a light lunch and no snacking in the afternoon - but that's become the norm, rather than the exception.

At about 7pm I remembered that I was supposed to train that evening. I had that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach that it really isn't a good idea. I should put it off. But I forced myself to go. Discipline must prevail.

Certain that I was not going to do well, I set off at about 9pm. I started off just fine, but a stitch had me in its evil clutches for approximately 4km. It was tough, but I kept working at altering my breathing patterns and doing the other breathing tricks I learned about on the wise Internet. The stitch eventually faded, but it had worn me out and I struggled to find rhythm.

Luckily for me, I self-motivate and I pushed myself at the end, increasing my speed until I built myself up to the pace of an energetic geriatric with a walking frame. Sprinting to the finish line was painful, but I still managed a personal best of 57:04 over 10km (not 10.3km)

Sunday, 20 December 2009

This time I was ready for the 10km. I did all of the mental and physical preparation I could during the day. I worked myself up to a state where I wouldn't be able to rest until I had completed the course.

Then I made a mistake.

During my warm-up stretches I parted from my normal routine and did some lunges, thinking they would stretch my thigh muscles. Being enthusiastic, I did quite a few, reasoning that the more I do, the better I'll feel schlepping myself up the hills. The only result I could see was that my thighs hurt from before I set out until the day after. I won't be doing lunges anymore before a run.

The self-inflicted handicap did not help as I really felt awful during the entire 10km. I fought off a stitch that came, went, extended up my arm, duplicated itself on the other side and then went around again for seconds. But once I had the finish line in my sights, I dug deep for the last reserves of strength hiding in the folds of my leg muscles. Sprinting home, I managed a personal best time of 56:43 over 10km. A great result considering it was an ugly run.

A Momentous Occasion

I did it. I signed up and paid my registration fee. I am now an official entrant in the Jerusalem Marathon 10km event. I was the fifth person to register. I have now put my money where my substantially sized mouth is. And I get a free T-Shirt (that I paid for with the fee.)

Now that there is real money on the table, this is serious.

Jl'm Marathon Training #8

I have been dieting really hard, sticking to my no-sweets, no-beer, no-junk food diet with the fervor of a religious fanatic who, very (very) occasionally sneaks a peanut butter sandwich.

I have not been training as hard as I should. On average, I do my 10.3km run twice a week, instead of my planned three-times a week. But I am improving. In fact, I completely slashed my time tonight, as you will read in the remainder of this post, which I call:

The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

Monday, 14 December 2009

The Good
I completed my 10.3km run in a record 58:34. This puts me right on track to complete the Jerusalem marathon 10km event before the organizers finish packing up.

I felt absolutely fantastic the whole way (save for a stitch or two, which I worked through and overcame). I ran solidly, and I took on the tough uphills with gusto and determination (I would have taken on the uphills with zeal, as well, but he was too busy flirting with passion and spirit.)

How did I manage to finish the 10.3km in only 58:34?

• I discovered that registration for the Jerusalem half-marathon and 10km even has opened, and the details of the event are posted on the Internet: http://hmarathon.jerusalem.muni.il/
• I used an actual stopwatch, courtesy of my son, Zvi, who patiently showed me how to use the thing. The only problem is that I don't wear my glasses when I run, and so I can't see the time on the watch. I only know my result when I finish and have no idea of how I'm doing during the run.
  
• I worked really hard on not eating donuts, latkes and other oily foods (only 1 donut and 2 latkes, despite the heavy temptation) - "carrot sticks are yum, carrot sticks are yum"
• I have been drinking plenty of water (mixed with coffee, milk and sugar, but sometimes just by itself)
• I am a self-motivated, goal-oriented, success-driven, fanatical-fitness-freak (it helps)

Now I have a new record to beat. Bring it on, baby!

The Bad
My MP3 player stopped working. How is that possible? It's almost brand new. But it might not be so bad.

Perhaps the music was holding me back. Maybe the earphones were slowing me down? Could the beat of the songs have limited my stride?

The bad might not be so bad after all, although I still have no MP3 player.

The Ugly
My Brooks Adrenaline GT9s - comfy as heck, but as ugly as an inside-out monkey.

Jl'm Marathon Training #7

Motzei Shabbat, 28 November 2009

As promised I went for a short run this evening. I wasn't going to go, though. I had decided that I wouldn't and was looking forward to settling down to some relaxing activities, like putting away the dishes.

Turns out that my son, Shimi, remembered that I told him he could come along with me on a run. He would bike and I would shlep myself behind him. How could I give up quality father/son time?

So we plotted out a route that didn't include so many hills and we set off at about 8.30pm. I pushed myself harder than usual and I did a bit of sprinting, which is something I don't do on a 10km run. I enjoyed the time and Shimi was great.

4.5km and 28 minutes later I put the pedal to the metal and powered on home. I don't think I've ever run as fast as that. It only took me about 20 minutes to recover. The time was a bit disappointing, but I put it down to cholent.

Oh, and when I finally recovered, I did put away the dishes ;-)

Jl'm Marathon Training #6

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

I must be a masochist. I decided that my previous route, which involved running a particular course and then backtracking, was too boring. If I was running on a treadmill, the scenery would be the same. But since I'm running out on the street, why see the same thing twice?

So on Wednesday evening, I sat down in front of Google Earth with my eldest son and we planned out a new course, according to these guidelines:

• At least 10km
• Avoid running through certain communities
• Not too many long downhills
• Include the killer Nahar HaYarden uphill
• Include the 1.22km Yarkon uphill
• Avoid backtracking as much as possible

The route we came up with is very complicated, but fulfills all criteria. It is actually 10.3km and involves only a few short backtracks. It is also about 80% uphill! OK, I exaggerate, but there are a lot more uphills than in my previous routes.

I completed the course in about 1 hour and 20 minutes, although I'm not entirely sure because I had a technical problem with the stopwatch along the way.

I was absolutely buggered after the run, although I did manage the 100m sprint to the finish line, which was extremely satisfying. All my muscles ached, but at least I didn't injure myself (go Brooks Adrenaline GT9s!)

I'm thinking of doing a quick 5k run on Motzei Shabbat, followed by this new course on Sunday. It is very challenging, but hopefully not too challenging.

If anyone has advice about training for a competitive running event (I know, 10km is not a marathon!) in hilly Jerusalem, please write them in the comments!

Here is a picture of my new route. Obviously, I start from the Home marker and end the run there. Follow the red arrow, but when the route brings you back almost to the beginning (the first turn), follow the blue arrow. As I said, there is some backtracking, but not a lot. Also, most of the backtracking is on the opposite side of the street, so the scenery is still a bit different.

The yellow writing is probably too difficult to read. The yellow writing at the top of the picture says "Massive HaYarkon Uphill" and the yellow writing at the bottom of the picture says "1.22km Yarkon Uphill". Those are my two most challenging uphills, although there are many more shorter uphills along this course.

Click on the image for a larger, clearer view.

Jl'm Marathon Training #5

Sunday, 22 November 2009

I went out for my first run in over a week. The flu kept me indoors, but I was itching to get out there again.

I did my first big 10k run, which included nearly 4k of hills, some of them pretty steep. I completed the route in 1:10:00.

I didn't start out well. I got a stitch in the first three minutes and my hamstrings decided to make themselves heard just as I headed off. Things settled down in short order, but the niggling pains at the beginning were a little disconcerting. I guess it was the body's way of waking up after a long vacation.

I thought that it was a relatively solid run, albeit a bit slow. So far I have been concentrating on distance. I think I've got that. Now I need to challenge the clock.

Despite the minor muscle complaints, one thing was for certain: my feet were well taken care of. This past week I purchased a pair of Brooks Adrenaline GTS 9s. They are by far the most comfortable running shoes I've ever worn - no chafing, no bleeding toes, no sore arches. It was like running on soft, fluffy cushions the whole way. Well, sort of.

The shoes really are great, although they are as ugly as a box of blowflies. Doesn't matter, I want to step in them, not frame them. Although, for the price, one would have thought Brooks could put a little more effort into the exterior design. The Adrenaline reminds me of 1980s Reeboks mixed with a bit of 1970s night-club-silver. Sort of makes me want to do the boogie instead of the 10k!

This photo was taken after the shoes' maiden voyage. I'm looking forward to taking them out for a spin again. They certainly beat the all-purpose Nikes I was using before. I think that with a proper pair of shoes I'll have a better chance of doing well in this event.

Jl'm Marathon Training #4

Really Early Morning, Friday, 13 November 2009

Set out on a jog in the wee hours of the morning at 12.20am. I decided to run a more challenging route than my usual 6 times around Dolev, AKA "The Peanut".

The route I took ended up being only approximately 7.66km, but it was very hard:
1. From my home to the corner of Ayalon and Kishon (about 0.83km - mostly downhill)
2. From Kishon/Yarkon to the corner of Yarden (approx 1.22km of solid incline)
3. From corner Yarkon/Yarden to the corner Kishon/Yarden (total approx 1.78km - lots of ups and downs plus one huge downhill)
Then turn around and do it in reverse (that huge downhill becomes one killer uphill).

I did it in just over an hour and five minutes. I'm pretty happy with that, given the difficulty of the terrain. It's a very challenging course, so I hope to improve next time.

But my biggest accomplishment so far is that I didn't get eaten by a jackal on the way.

Jl'm Marathon Training #3

Tuesday, 10 November 2009
I needed a day's break to recover from the 10km I did on Sunday. In retrospect, I should have gone cycling, which is a great cross-training activity. But I didn't.

Going out this evening was difficult. I started the run at 10.15pm. I had a stitch for the first 4kms - a minor one, but it niggled at me. I started grunting at around the 3km mark. That's not good. I usually don't start grunting until somewhere towards the end. My feet started to hurt at around 5km - turns out my two smallest toes on my left foot were bleeding. I guess that means its time to hunt for better shoes. I'm certain that all these factors caused me to slow down considerably. But I had to overcome these setbacks and finish the 10km no matter what. I managed my breathing, corrected my posture and rallied over the last few kms to make the run worthwhile.

I made sure that, no matter how tired I was feeling, I powered up the one hill on my route each time I reached it. Strange, but I sprinted up that hill faster each time, rather than slow down, as you would expect. I think that I was psyching myself up for it on every rotation. I was also fortunate that either the cars on the road forced me to quicken my pace at that particular spot, or the music playing in my headphones reached the inspirational points that spurred me on up that hill. I'm beginning to enjoy the hills - at least this one.

My final sprint home over the last 200 meters was blistering fast. I could feel every muscle straining as I powered through the fatigue. I felt like a thousand people were standing by cheering me as I crashed through the winners tape. Despite that the only spectator to my incredible finish was a cat who had its nose stuck inside a tuna can, it was an awesome end to my late-night run.

I completed the 10km course in 1:08:00 (approximately). I realize it is not much of an improvement on my original 10km - I'm sure I can go faster. I just have to try harder and push myself a bit more.

I am far from having conquered the Dolev circuit, but I'm not sure I can motivate myself to keep going around in circles. I'm already planning another 10km route that includes varied scenery and terrain. For the moment, though, I have to follow through with the current mini-challenge to do the Dolev circuit easily and in much better time.

Jl'm Marathon Training #2

Wednesday, 4 November 2009:
As previously blogged, I decided to ditch the treadmill and run out on the road. I was advised to go for distance to build stamina, rather than time, at this stage (thanks, especially to Chaim and Rafi of the Beit Shemesh Running Club - I still intend to join up, I would just prefer to wait until I have a chance of keeping up a little bit with you guys!)

I took a leisurely jog to Rechov Nachal Dolev (getting there and back cost me 1.7km). Dolev is a 1500m circular street in Ramat Beit Shemesh (well, it's actually peanut-shaped, but you know what I mean) and is relatively flat, with one hill that goes for about 30m-50m. I thought that I'd take it easy on my first time out. I completed my initial lap easily and was getting into the groove when I started my second. I debated with myself the whole third lap and decided to go for a fourth. Why not? I stumbled out of Dolev after four times around and jogged back to my apartment. The 7.7km ordeal took 50 minutes.

When I arrived home, I discovered that I couldn't speak properly. I had trouble remembering words, I couldn't put a sentence together and I had difficulty thinking of the street I jogged on, even after my wife repeated its name for me numerous times. Thankfully, this lasted only as long as it took me to collapse into bed. By the morning I was fine.

Here's what I learned:

• Hydrate properly before going on a run - sticking to a "hydration plan" throughout the day in preparation for a run is ideal
• Even if it is cold, don't run in track pants and three layers of t-shirts - I was unwell that week and was paranoid about exacerbating my cold
• Discipline includes knowing when to stop

I was too tired (read: scared of hurting myself) on Thursday and Friday to go for a run, but I went on a 45 minute walk (each way) to and from the boys' school on Motzei Shabbat for parent-teacher interviews. So at least that was something.

Sunday, 8 November 2009
Well, today was a milestone (literally). Record this date in your diaries and celebrate each year - today, for the first time in my life, I ran a full 10km. I prepared properly, I dressed appropriately and I jogged confidently. It took me 1hr and 10m to run approximately 10.7km (from my place to Dolev and back is about 1.7km + 6 times around Dolev, which is 9km.)

I initially aimed to do 4 laps and then see how I felt. When I went through my system check (legs, breathing, stitch status, etc) during lap 4, I was amazed to feel exactly as I did when I first headed out. That being the case, I decided to go for lap 5. Towards the end of lap 5, I could feel my legs starting to complain, but not enough to make me give up the big 10km.

And I feel good. I didn't get a stitch the whole time, but my calf muscles hurt. I stretched them a lot before setting off, and again when I cooled down, but I can still feel tightness. It isn't painful, so I am not worried.

Here are some observations:

• It is much more difficult to run on the road than on a treadmill - my feet feel heavier, for some reason, and my running style seems more ungainly (oh, and there are potholes...)
  
• Running on the road is more exhilarating than running on a treadmill, but shouting "Come on you lazy good-for-nothing!" in the middle of Dolev is not tolerated as much as doing so in the gym...
  
• Drivers are, surprisingly, very courteous to joggers
• Dogs are not very courteous to joggers
  
• One of the joys of a 10km run is the final sprint to the finish line
  

I think I'll try to replicate this run one or two more times, without focusing on improving my time. Then I'll choose a different route with more inclines - I can save Dolev for the days I do my "easy" 10km runs (never thought I'd hear myself say that!)

Looking at my times and distances now, I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to March doing 10km in a more respectable time, but I think I am on my way.

Jl'm Marathon Training #1

Jumblerant (good one, Mr. G.) challenged me to post about my progress with training for the Jerusalem Marathon 10k event in March 2010. So here we go:

Sunday, 1 November 2009:
Started training.

Knowing that I have never run 10k before, I decided to concentrate on distance rather than speed. My usual run is 4.5k and I wanted to start with something easy. I ran a comfortable 5k at a constant speed of 13km/h.

I got off the treadmill and felt really good. I figured that next time I'll go for 6k and build up from there. I also decided that 13km/h is a good pace so I'll try and maintain it, even as I increase the distance.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009:
I hit the treadmill at about 9.20pm. I was tired and fighting a cold. I read on a website today that to start seriously training for a 10k race you have to be able to run 30 minutes without stopping. I had previously promised myself to run 6k, so I decided not to alter my plan - I psyched myself up all day for the 6k and I didn't want a last-minute change to ruin my motivation.

The first 5k was relatively easy, but the last kilometer was hard. Breathing became difficult (I think because of my cold) and I struggled a bit through the last 500 meters.

I reached 6k in 28:08 and then slowed down to a fast walk. At first I was disappointed because I felt so exhausted after the run. After running 5k with absolute ease, I didn't think that 6k could be so difficult. Despite the voice in my head begging me to slow down, I kept to a steady speed of 13km/h (not including the short warm-up before the run). After thinking about it for a while, I realized that I had never run 6k before, that the time I did it in is quite good, and that 6k is only 4k off my target distance, and I'm over half-way there.

I also started working on my abs. I read on the Internet (so it must be true) that runners need to really work on their abs. So I did 2 sets of 15 stomach crunches, as advised by the gym supervisor. The crunches nearly killed me. So I plan to do this exercise every day. Hopefully they will become easier.

Tomorrow I think I'll do a short run on the road, maybe 20 minutes to half an hour of slow jogging on relatively flat terrain, depending on the weather. All the websites say to follow a hard run with an easy one. I'll let you know how I go.

Quit While You're Ahead

Why don't people quit while they're ahead? When the late-great Michael Jackson was the King of Pop in the 80s, he should have hung up his glove and become an accountant or something. Look what happened to him. Not to mention Elvis Presley and Judy Garland, among others.

What makes people so ambitious that they feel it necessary to attempt to revive their glorious past? Unless you are Rocky Balboa, comebacks are rarely successful. Tastes change and the competition gets younger, more agile and more energetic. There comes a point where you have to say, "Look buddy, don't push your luck. You've had a good run, you've achieved fame and fortune, you've given it your all. Now go and do something else."

In an amazingly unprecedented feat of brilliance, last week I smashed my 4.5k record of 20:00, running the distance in 18:31. That's an average of 14.6km/h. About seven months ago I started out running 4.5k in 30 minutes, so reducing it to 18:31 is an amazing achievement.

You'd think I would be happy with that. But an athlete's ambition is an unquenchable thirst.

I'm not going to quit while I'm ahead. I'm not going to take my own advice and fade off quietly into the abyss of anonymity. I'm not going to rest upon my laurels. I'm not going to sit on a couch and watch others take the fame, fortune and glory.

I'm going to train for the 10k Jerusalem marathon. My new aim is to do 10k in 45 minutes. That's about an average of 13.3km/h. I'll pound the pavement and wear out the treadmill until I reach my goal. Then I'm going to find out what the times were for the top 100 people in last year's race and I'm going to aim to match it.

Then I'm going to enter the mid-March 10k race and give it all I've got, pushing myself to beat my personal best. It will hurt, the pain will yell at me to stop, my senses will shout at me to slow down. But I will not capitulate to imaginary voices. My muscles will burn, my legs will ache and my lungs will gasp, but I will settle for nothing less than magnificence.

And once the race is won, when the fans have returned to their homes to compose poetry of my greatness; when the chants of "Yossi! Yossi! Yossi!" have finally melted gently into the circling Jerusalem clouds, I'll sit on my balcony, drink ice-cold beers and dream of the next race in a year's time.

What I Know About Baseball

I had an email exchange with a co-worker today about Aussie Rules football. I have worked with him for over 5 years and so it wasn't a surprise when he replied to one of my jargon-filled emails "I even understood some of that".

He then asked me if I would like to learn about baseball. I replied with a list of all I know about the great American game:

1. Create a World Series competition and only invite North America.
2. Wear tight-fitting, striped, knee-length pants.
3. Eat peanuts and crackerjacks.
4. Sing the American anthem.
5. Cover yourself with padding, wear a vision-obscuring helmet, and signal rudely to the pitcher.
6. Shout "Strike One!", "Ball!" and "Safe!" at random moments during the game.
7. In a gravelly voice, saliva spitting from your mouth, yell the words "you're" and "out" so that it sounds like "YEROUT!" while pointing to any player.
8. Wear one oversized glove.
9. Chew gum, spit generously and swear at the umpires.
10. Hit a round ball with a round bat (something like a caveman's club).
11. Run around a diamond that covers only a small portion of the entire playing field.
12. Steal bases, but leave them behind afterwards.
13. Run home, which is the place you started from.

Not bad for an ex-pat Aussie, eh?

The Man from Down Under Goes Down Under

I went kayaking the other day. Although the circumstances around how the boat capsized may be entertaining, I will keep them aside in my dubious collection of heroic stories to tell my children and grandchildren.

But the truth of the matter is that the kayak overturning took me completely by surprise. One moment I was quite happily paddling along in a boat with a crew of four and the next moment I found myself under the water. Thinking back on that event, I realize that when accidents happen you really are quite unprepared for them.

Let's analyze my little dip in the river. Firstly, I remember very clearly that the boat was suddenly no longer underneath me, the place where it was supposed to be. In a few microseconds my brain processed the fact that I was under water and so my eyes shut automatically, like "shields up" on the Starship Enterprise. I held my breath and I kicked my legs, expecting to surface. I shot myself upwards, my head colliding with the upturned boat. That's when I started panicking - I was under the water, stuck under a boat. Looking back, I would have expected my life to flash before my eyes. Perhaps some last thoughts or images of family or a prayer or two would skim across my brain.

Not so.

In that moment of panic, a big red flashing sign lit up in the electric pathways that comprise my brain, which read, "Survival Mode!" All thoughts, subconscious processes and unessential activity instantly snapped closed like a safety switch to a short circuit. All energy was immediately routed to the parts of my mind and body dedicated to getting me out from under that boat.

Using the palms of my hands, I pushed up against the capsized boat, propelling myself further underwater. I scrambled to the left. My eyes were shut tight and I was aware of, but could barely hear, my fellow boaters flailing similarly beside me. In a matter of seconds I had cleared the obstruction above. My head broke through the surface of the water and my arms worked overtime to free me of the current that had seemingly wrapped itself around my legs, still trying to pull me down.

And then the flashing light stopped flashing. Power was restored to all parts of my brain, which was now functioning within normal parameters. The electrical signals resumed their usual course through the gray matter. Eyes open, I could finally take stock of my situation and once again use rational thinking and logic to plan my next move.

I almost want to do it again just to see if I would react differently the second time around. Life-jacket, anyone?

POSTSCRIPT: 6 May 2009
I just heard on the radio that Israel kayaking champion, Yasmin Feingold, is recovering after a serious accident on the Yarkon river. We all wish her well. See this Jerusalem Post article for more information.

Who's fault is it, anyway?

According to this article in USA Today, the Dolphins' Cam Cameron, was fired from his position as coach. Why? The team finished with one win and fifteen losses. They fired the coach? Don't you think they should have fired the players? Let's see, was it the coach who zigged when he should have zagged? Was it the coach who dropped the ball? Was it the coach who tripped over his shoelaces at a critical moment?

Certainly, the coach has overall responsibility for the players. He directs them where to run and what plays to make. He is the decider. He tells you when to play and when to sit on the bench. He sure does have a measure of responsibility. But if the players stink, they will lose the game matter how good the coach is.

Think of sports as a war. You have the General sitting safely in a tent on friendly territory (the coach). A superior officer (the team captain) directs his men (the players) to carry out the General's orders. If the on-field officer doesn't do a good job of directing his soldiers in the heat of the fight, or if the soldiers are incompetent, they will lose the battle despite that the General shouts orders through the radio. So who is to blame? The General? I think not.

Now, I know that it is the coach's job to properly train his team, motivate them and get them to perform the best they can. If he doesn't do that then he didn't do a good job. I get it. But there is a limit to how much blame you can lump on the coach. If the players lack talent, they should be held accountable.

Hang on, though. If you fire the coach because of bad decision making, then what about the decision to hire the coach? The coach was hired by management, right? Therefore, shouldn't the guy who hired him also get fired? After all, he didn't do a good job of recruiting, either. And who hired him? The President of the club? I mean, didn't he have something to do with this as well? Isn't he ultimately responsible for the entire team? He should go, too. But you know what? I think that we should take it all the way and fire club members, the fans themselves, because if it wasn't for their support of the club, financially and emotionally, then the club wouldn't exist. They are the shareholders of the club. If the fans would shout as one voice and protest the CEO's bad decision to hire someone who made a bad decision to hire someone who makes bad decisions, then maybe the club would win a game or two.

So it stands to reason that if you are a Dolphins fan, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Sweat

When you think of a real man, do you think of a middle-aged professional with graying hair, wearing a power tie and a fancy Rolex, working in a big office building with a doorman and marble floors; or do you think of rough-faced cowboys breaking-in wild horses, or muscled workmen on a rig surrounded by huge pipes and oversized spanners? Does the word “bloke” conjure up images of sophisticated, educated and refined gentlemen smoking long cigars in the club, or of tall, strong, sweaty men doing the jobs only real men can do?

Sport is also manly. I’m talking about well-built blokes with bowling-ball biceps who put their bodies on the line because they only play to win. No pain, no gain. If you aint sweatin’, you aint workin’.*

Let’s face it, there is nothing more manly than doing hard, physical work and getting sweaty. I’m not talking about perspiration – that’s too delicate a term. I’m talking about sweet, salty, gritty, sweat. Men love to sweat. It’s true. Here’s an example: what happens right after a tough football game? The players don’t just shower and go home. No. They go to the locker rooms, get into a huddle, sweat-against-sweat, belt out the team song, slap each other on the back and then, maybe, they’ll go and have a shower before hitting the pub. None of this “Ooh, don’t look! My face is flushed, better go powder my nose” business.

Go into any boxing club and the first thing you will notice is the pungent smell of years of sweat oozing out of the floor-boards. The boxing club is real man-territory. Punching bags, boxing rings, barbells. There’s no room for mercy. You either train until it hurts, and then some, or you get out. Coaches yell insults and instructions, but the boxers obey because they know that the coach’s job is to make them into the leanest and meanest. Leave your Blackberries, MP3s and mobile phones outside because the boxing club isn’t powered by rechargeable lithium-ion, but the raw energy of men being men.

What about the gym? How can you consider yourself a real man if your face isn’t contorted in pain as you conquer that weights machine? How can you show yourself in public if you cannot claim victory over the treadmill? How can you live with yourself if the rowing machine gets the better of you? Push it and work it until you succeed.* That’s what I’m talking about. Real satisfaction.

Even if you are not a well-built muscle-dude, you still understand what I mean. It’s about proving yourself to yourself - showing yourself that you've got what it takes. You can do it. Sweat is the physical symbol of getting a hard job done. That’s why real men don’t run to the shower. Sweat, my friend. Sit in it, revel in it, enjoy it - sweat is your trophy. You deserve it.

*Note: watch it, injured men don’t count!